How Do I Tell My Kids About My Diagnosis?

Supporting your children as you face a new cancer diagnosis can be a daunting task. In this article, learn tips to:

• Craft messages when talking to your kids
• Provide ongoing support to your children
• Find guided support for your children
• Keep the lines of communication open

Get Help Crafting Messages for Your Kids

You may fear that talking openly about cancer will frighten your children and make things worse and more stressful for everyone. Keeping your diagnosis a secret may seem like the easiest option, but children are very perceptive. Even if your child does not know about your cancer, he or she will likely know that something is wrong. Allowing your children to be part of the conversation will give them the opportunity to be helped and have support through this challenging time. 

What you tell your children and how you explain cancer to them will depend heavily on their age and individual personalities. What a 2-year-old can understand about cancer is very different from what a 5-year-old can understand. Each child is different and will have slightly different needs when having conversations about cancer. 

The key is to be honest in answering their questions, and use simple language that your child can understand. 

We offer a free age-specific guide on talking to your children about cancer. It includes tips for answering common questions and more detailed ways to help your child through this process. 

Try These Tools & Activities to Support Your Children

After your children know about your diagnosis, the support you provide your children will be ongoing. Your children will have questions and emotions that they will need to express. Here are some activities and tools you can use:

1. Keep a routine. Many children thrive off of having a routine and knowing what to expect. We know that there are certain things that will be out of your control, but, as much as possible, creating and maintaining a routine with your children will help them feel like they are in control of their days. Don’t be afraid to ask family and friends to help in making this possible. A routine will keep your children feeling secure and will remove some of the uncertainty that surrounds cancer.
2. Give your child someone to talk with. It’s good for your children to have a place where they can talk about their feelings openly. Whether you plan on keeping your cancer private, or you’re willing to share your diagnosis publicly, it’s important for your children to have some people who they can talk with outside of the immediate family. These confidants could be teachers, friends, neighbors, or extended family members. Talk with your children about who they would like to confide in, and let them know that it is okay for them to voice their feelings and talk about your cancer with others.   
3. Try therapeutic arts and crafts. Children often feel more comfortable expressing themselves creatively, and drawings or art projects can be a good way of opening lines of communication. Make it a family project where everyone draws how they’re feeling or draws what they think cancer is. These are great ways to get your kids to feel more comfortable discussing your cancer. These kinds of projects can also give you insight into what your children need from you or what they still don’t understand about your diagnosis.
4. Keep a journal. If your children are old enough, encourage them to keep a journal where they can work through their feelings. It’s good to have a place for private reflection.
5. Spend time as a family. Do a project like making family scrapbooks, or look through family albums. Talk about your family and use this opportunity to give your children focused attention. It can help with having cancer conversations.

Find Guided Support
 

Sometimes children need support outside of the family, and it is important for them to have someone with whom they can talk. Participating in a support group in your area can be a great way of creating that space for communication outside of the family. 

Find a caring and supportive CSC or Gilda's Club location near you. Ask about their support groups and resources for children with a family member living with cancer. We have locations worldwide, and many of these locations provide support groups specifically for children, adolescents, and families impacted by cancer. 

Note: If you don't have a CSC or Gilda's Club location near you, or would like other personalized navigation, please contact our Cancer Support Helpline at CSC-867-5309 (272-867-5309).Toll-free & outside U.S, call 888-793-9355. Or connect with one of our Helpline navigators via our live chat service.

If you think your child could benefit from meeting other children in a similar situation, there are camps dedicated specifically to children who have a family member with cancer:

• Camp Kesem: Camp Kesem is a network of summer camps and community groups for kids with a parent who is living with or was living with cancer. These camps are free and are run by college students who provide resources directed at emotionally supporting children with a parent touched by cancer. 
• Children's Treehouse Foundation: Children’s Treehouse is a great resource for children whose parents or grandparents have cancer. This foundation offers a special program called CLIMB that is designed to help children work through their family member’s diagnosis and normalize their feelings around cancer. The program provides tools for communication and gives children a safe place to communicate their feelings. 
   

Keep the Lines of Communication Open
 

Talking to your children about cancer can be challenging, but the right tools and resources can be helpful. The goal is to remain open and honest when communicating with them about your diagnosis. Use your judgement to determine how to best provide support. 

Most importantly, when facing cancer and the challenges that come along with a diagnosis, you do not have to do it alone. There are countless resources created to support you through your cancer journey so that you are not alone.